Fear of changes...!

Why do I feel like, I am close to no body. Hiding even the tiniest emotions and thoughts from everybody. Independence, no boundation, no stings, no back links, like completely alone in a whole crowd, like a stranger in a town fair, faces of different colors, people of different types, but I don't know them, or avoiding them, or ignoring them. What has happened to me. I hadn't wanted to end up like the way I have become.

Yes, change is the need and law of the world, with time every thing changes, but I am not even having control over myself, the way I have evolved. Alone, aloof, and the worst part is I don't want to change myself, even knowing that this is drowning me inside.

Perhaps I have lost faith on myself, and there is no one else to blame for. Life is not bed of roses and every body don't get what he wants. And we have to compromise and have to learn to be happy in what we have got. And we must learn to appreciate the little things we got, and be happy in that.

But I am too greedy, business mind person. I want every thing in my life perfect, which can't be achieved otherwise.

And I have nothing to say, share, discuss with people, even close to me, like complete void in my mind, blankness, nothing is there, totally black, and I hate it to show them how alone I feel inside. A constant feeling of failure haunts me, like I am underachiever or something.

I know I need to relax myself, I should open myself, I have to change myself, But I fear the changes.

May be some day I will, but when I don't know !!!

Is it real: No desires, no passion, no expectation, no jealously...nothing is there....!

Day by day life is getting more complicated. Am I taking life too seriously or really it is getting harder and harder? The biggest loss is I have lost my dreams. No dreams at all. I fear having a dream. No dream at all. No expectation. No goal. Nothing from life, world or person. A saddening loneliness prevails in my mind. A habit to live alone has kept me so deep that I fear even intermingling with people I don't like. It's like i don't want to put mask on my face, It's like I have become straightforward and don't fit in the rules of world. to be pretend to something else. May be world has moved so fast,  People are more practical and I am being too childish or idealist I don't know.


Today or tomorrow, every body you think you are close to is going to hurt you knowingly or unknowingly and its true somehow I am thinking to believe over it.

A deep loss, I have lost my passion. I fear moving to unknown territories of any type. Fears of failures haunt me even when they have not come yet. Past experiences have kept their effect on me so badly, I am unable to take decisions right now. I now doubt my decisions, based on outcomes of my previous decisions, weather the next one I will take, will be better for me or not, I don't know.

A flair, a motivation may be negative or positive, a competitive attitude, jealousy, learning....nothing is left with me....only a cold dead attitude of letting everything go.....let it be as it is....like i am  defeated. A sadness has scared so deep in my heart, it is unable to heal anyhow.

I see, people are moving ahead in their life, but with me, I am stuck fully, no desires, no dreams. nothing. this so cold attitude, i dread over so much changes in me.

Desires I have lost them. is it sign of concern or I am getting mature?

I am getting so f***g insane...!! The self discovery is haunting.....! Is it the reality of life??

Love is not to be confined in certain fixed boundary and definition..!

Image Source: https://mimansaa.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/1648251.jpg

Love just a feeling?

or merely an illusion?

Love a path to soul searching?

or merely a customary obligation of reproduction?

Love an attraction of opposite poles?

or there lies some inborn connection ?

Image Source: http://images.sodahead.com/polls/003190729/65324390_holterhoffbornwhichway_xlarge.jpeg

But one day he found something quite unusual,

same pole attracting each other, how even that can possible.....!

But one day he found it doesn't fall
in line of natural cycle of reproduction.

Image Source: http://images.sodahead.com/polls/003190729/642681436_a20791513912e3aebaa49a_m_answer_1_xlarge.jpeg

But one day he found his ward is not 

what he/she has supposed to be, he/she really is.....!

And it was not easy to even comment
on this critical situation?

Image Source: http://images.sodahead.com/polls/002865911/3435865897_panic_button_large_xlarge.jpeg

How could he/she do this?

He angered at their decision of mate selection?

Image: https://img1.etsystatic.com/023/0/7099748/il_570xN.480786765_k9g8.jpg

Is it right or wrong to act and love who you really love?

Is it wise or foolishness to turn into completely different?

Image: https://drhurd.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/gaylesbian.gif

Is it excess of freedom to behave in that way?

Is it justified to become Gay or lesbian?

He asked !

He shouted !

Image: http://www.techebizz.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Tear-for-Fears-SHOUT-4e12cec2b48a2_hires.jpg

He cried !

He feared what the society will think of them..!

He thought

and thought

and thought 

again and again.

But at the end of day,

they are still his children..!

Image: http://sdgln.com/files/sd_pride_theme_logo_freedom_to_love_and_marry-21940.jpg

But at the end of day,

its all their decision..!

Image: http://muzlimbuzz.sg/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/freedom-to-love-aquila1.jpg

But at the end of day,

its all about loving deeply someone..!

 

But at the end of day,

we are not Gay/lesbian but only a human..! 

Image: http://s3.favim.com/orig/46/blue-color-equality-gay-lesbian-Favim.com-411775.jpg

But at the end of the day,

Love is not to be defined in

certain fixed boundary and definition..!

And then he smiled respected his/her decision..!

Image: http://thegiftsfactory.in/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/polls_support_gay_marriage_love_1529_157594_poll_xlarge.jpg



The poem is shared with PU Midweek Motif ~ Freedom 

This post is written for Indispire Edition 72

Will you accept it if one day your son/daughter announces that he/she is gay? How are you going to handle the situation? #LoveIsLove

Disclaimer: LGBTs are  still fighting for their cause and survival. This post is just a way to present the other side of the coin and  written for the Indispire Edison 72. This is not to hurt or offend any one's feelings, views, beliefs or sentiments. Your comments are welcome...!

Correct decision.....!!!

I asked him: What is Correct decision?

And he replied: Decision is always correct for that particular moment. We can't take wrong decision. 

Not until we compare with the outcome...!