तुम कभी तो आओगे, आखिरी बार मिलने को.....

अब भी तेरी यादों में 

ये दिल मेरा तड़पता है,

तुम कभी तो आओगे,
आखिरी बार मिलने को,

बस इसी आस में 

रास्ते को यूँ ही तकता हूँ। 


                                       - VP  "नादान"

Hindi Poem: "Teri Yaad" written & recited by me...!

A very emotional poem written and recited by me. 

Hope you will like it.

 I hope some day, some how this will reach to her....!

अब भी तेरी यादें  मेरे दिल से जाती नहीं हैं ,

अब भी तेरी बातें मुझे दिलों-जां से याद आती हीं क्यों  हैं,

अब भी तेरी आँखो की गहराइयों में डूब जाने को दिल करता है,

अब भी तेरा चेहरा मेरी नज़रों से ओझल होता ही नहीं है।

हाँ, अब भी तुझे चाहने की वेबकूफीया मैं दिन में सौ बार करता हूँ।

हाँ, अब भी तेरी यादें  मेरे दिल से जाती नहीं हैं ,

हाँ,  अब भी तेरी बातें मुझे दिलों-जां से याद आती हीं क्यों  हैं,

हाँ , अब भी तेरी आँखो की गहराइयों में डूब जाने को दिल करता है,

हाँ, अब भी तेरा चेहरा मेरी नज़रों से ओझल होता ही नहीं है।

हाँ, अब भी दिल झूठी तस्सली देता है, की तुम भी मुझे याद करती तो होगी,

हाँ, अब भी कभी भूल से ही सही, कभी मेरा नाम लेती तो होगी, 

हाँ,  अब भी कभी मेरे पागलपन को तुम सहेलियों में बतियाती तो होगी,

हाँ , अब भी कभी वो पेड़ के नीचे सीमेंट का बेंच तुम्हे मेरी कमी का एहसास दिलाता तो होगा। 

 हाँ , अब भी तुम डाँस क्लास के बाद उसी रास्ते से   हॉस्टल तक आती तो होगी,

हाँ , अब भी तुम उस रास्ते के फ्रूट शॉप वाले भैया से दाम कम करवाती तो होगी,

हाँ, अब भी तुम चाट वाले से तीखा चाट खा कर, आंसू की धारा बहाती तो होगी,

हाँ, अब भी तुम वो रास्ते के मंदिर पे रुक कर, आँखे बंद कर सर झुकाती तो होगी।

हाँ, अब  भी हॉस्टल के छत पे तुम तारों भरी रात में जाती तो होगी,

हाँ, अब भी तुम  उन तारों से मेरी नादानियाँ  बतियाती तो होगी,

हाँ, अब भी चाँद तेरी खूबसूरती से शरमा  कर बादलों की ओट में छुपता तो होगा,

हाँ , अब भी हवा तेरे जुल्फों को मंद मंद सहलाती तो होगी। 

हाँ, अब भी तुम अकेले में अपने किताबो को खोल कर मेरे पत्रो को पाती तो होगी,

हाँ, अब भी तुम मेरे बेनामी प्रेम पत्रों को अपने सखियों को पढ़ाती तो होगी,

हाँ, अब भी उन्हें पढ़ कर, तुम होंठो की हँसी को दांतों तले दबाती तो होगी,

हाँ, अब भी मेरा इजहारे मुहब्बत तुम्हारे दिल की धड़कनों की रफ़्तार बढाती तो होंगी।

हाँ, अब भी मैं तुम्हे छूप कर उस रास्ते से जाते देखता ही तो हूँ,

हाँ, अब भी मैं तुम्हे फिर से अपने बांहों में भरने को तड़पता ही तो हूँ,

हाँ, अब भी मै आँखे बंद कर तुम्हे अपने पास ही पाता ही तो  हूँ,

हाँ, अब भी तेरी जुल्फों की घनी छाँव में सोने को ललचाता ही तो हूँ। 

हाँ, क्यों वक़्त ने दूरियों का रेगिस्तान बिछा डाला हमारे प्यार की सुनहरी बगिया में ,

हाँ, क्यों तुमने भी जाने कौन सी मज़बूरियों में अपनी राहें अलग बना डाली ,

हाँ, क्यों मैं भी लाख चाह कर भी रोक ना सका तुम्हे जाने से,

हाँ, फिर क्यों आज भी मैं तेरी हर छोटी सी याद दिल की गहराइयों में संजोये बैठा हूँ। 

हाँ, क्यों किताबो में भी तेरा चेहरा मुझे नज़र आता क्यों है,

हाँ, क्यों अब भी तेरी तस्वीर  मैं बनाता ही क्यों हूँ,

हाँ , क्यों दीवारो को उन तस्वीरों से मैं सजाता क्यों हूँ,

हाँ, क्यों तेरी उन तस्वीरों  से घंटो तेरे बारे में ही मैं बतियाता क्यों हूँ। 

हाँ, शायद वक़्त ने कुछ खेल ही तो खेला है मेरे साथ में,

हाँ, शायद दुनिया की नज़र ही तो लग गयी हमारे प्यार में,

हाँ, शायद तेरी याद मुझे उतने शिद्दत से अब तड़पाती नहीं हैं,

हाँ शायद  मैं भी पत्थर सा बनता ही जा रहा हूँ धीरे -धीरे से। 

हाँ, बड़ी कोशिश करता हूँ तेरे सामने ना आने की,

हाँ, खुद से भी झगड़ता हूँ तुझसे गिले ना करने की,

हाँ, बड़ी कोशिश करता हूँ तेरी हर एक बात भूलाने की,

हाँ, खुद को ही सजा देता हूँ हर दिन थोड़ा थोड़ा मर के जीने की । 

हाँ, कह भी नहीं सकता सामने तेरे आकर ही ,

हाँ, रह भी नहीं सकता तुम्हे एक नज़र दूर से देखे बिना ही,

हाँ, कोशिश भी करता हूँ तुम्हे भूल जाने की,

हाँ, फिर भी तुम मेरी यादों से कभी एक पल को जाती नहीं हो। 

हाँ, पागल था, हूँ, या हो गया हूँ, कौन जाने,

हाँ, दीवाना था, हूँ या हो गया हूँ, कौन जाने ,

हाँ, तुम पे मरता था,या अब भी मरता हूँ कौन जाने,

हाँ, तुम्हे चाहता था, या अब भी चाहता हूँ कौन जाने। 

वक़्त ने भर दी है  कड़वाहट सी जिंदगी में,

कुछ भी अच्छा लगता ही नहीं है, बगैर तेरे जीने में,

कोशिश भी करता हूँ खुद को व्यस्त रखने में,

फिर भी  तेरे जाने का गम ख़त्म होता नहीं है सीने में। 

हाँ, अब भी मैं नादान दिल को दिलासायें देता हूँ,

हाँ, अब भी तेरे वापस  लौटने की राहें देखता हूँ।

हाँ, अब भी सपनो में मैं तुझे ही पाता ही हूँ,

हाँ, अब भी तुझे चाहने की वेबकूफीया मैं दिन में सौ बार करता हूँ। 

क्युंकि, तुम्हे, बस तुम्हे,

हर पल हर लम्हा, 

मैं प्यार करता हूँ,

हाँ, प्यार करता हूँ।

-V. P. "नादान" 

    

  

 

    

  

वो एक दिन, जबसे सब कुछ छूटा जा रहा है, सिवाए तेरी यादों के।

वो एक दिन, जब तुम मुझसे दूर हुए,

वो एक दिन, जब बाज़ारे रौनक़ वीराने धुल हुई,

वो एक दिन, जब गौरैया चौबारे पे गाती नहीं है,

वो एक दिन, जब बगिया में फूल मुस्कुराते नही हैं। 

Disclaimer: Image taken from Google search

वो एक दिन, जब से मैं बदल सा गया हूँ,

वो एक दिन, जब से मैं अंनजाने सफ़र पर निकल सा गया हूँ,

वो एक दिन, जब सब कुछ जाना-पहचाना होकर भी अनजाना सा है,

वो एक दिन, जबसे सब कुछ छूटा जा रहा है, सिवाए तेरी यादों के। 

वो एक दिन, जब से मैं मुझसे ही दूर होता जा रहा हूँ,

वो एक दिन, जब से मैं मुझी को भूलता जा रहा हूँ,

वो एक दिन, जब से हर अनजानी गलियों में बस तुझे ढूँढता फिर रहा हूँ,

वो एक दिन, जब से मैं किसी अँधेरे मोड़ पर भटक सा गया हूँ।

काश !

कहीं वो एक दिन हक़ीक़त ना होती बस एक फसाना सा होता। 

- V. P. "नादान"

100 words story: He was well educated but still I Dumped him......!!!

And he wanted to know about me and tell me about him completely before marriage. It’s kind of date and both our parents agreed.

Hi! This is Riya, MBBS final year, I am happy, very happy. My future husband is well educated, settled abroad and mature. I with all my family like him. Soon I will give you invitation card.

Disclaimer:  Image taken from Google  search and edited

My father is very tensed. He couldn’t give the dowry his parents demanded. I called him. He made lame excuse. He can’t fight with his parents. 

So, I made a decision to reject him and I am proud of it.

 

A 100 Words story on the topic of IndiSpire:
Education is not merely Stacking of Degrees but also Dressing up of one's Mind and Soul.What is Your Definition Of an Educated Person.And what is your opinion about Educated Illiterates.

linking with: 
Two Shoes Tuesday #101 - Card or Drawing

 

चाह....!!

प्यार के समन्दर  चाह नहीं थी मुझे,

प्यार का एक बूँद तो बरसा दिया होता। 

जीवन भर का साथ  सकी, ना ही सही,

दो  पल सच्चे दिल से चाह तो लिया होता। 

प्यार को अगर प्यार का नाम ना दे सकी तुम, तो उसे कोई और नाम भी मत देना।

बस एक गुजारिश है इतनी,

फिर से मुझे तुम अब मत मिलना। 

मिल भी गए ग़र भूले-भटके,

अजनबीपन का चश्मा चढ़ा लेना। 

मिल जाए फिर भी आँखें अपनी,

यूँ  देख कर ना मुस्कुरा देना। 

हँसने को चाहे जी तेरा आदतन ,

हमदर्दी ना जतला देना। 

तब माना था बातें तेरी,

वो प्यार नहीं दिल्लगी ही  थी,

भूलो तुम  भी हम भी भूलें,

चले हम अपने अलग रस्ते। 

प्यार को अगर प्यार का नाम ना दे सकी तुम,

तो उसे कोई और नाम भी मत देना। 

क्यों की मैं अब खुद को रोक न पाउँगा,

गिले-शिकवे  सारे तुम पे जताऊंगा।

दिल के दर्द को दिल में दबा, तुम से हंसी-ठिठोली न कर पाउँगा,

दिल के दर्द को अब जुबां पे आने से न रोक पाऊँगा।  

इसीलिए बस एक छोटी सी ख्वाइश है,

फिर से मुझे तुम अब मत मिलना। 

-V. P. "नादान"

Prologue Part-II

U can read previous post of the prologue is in this link:
http://imlostsoul.blogspot.in/2012/08/prologue_24.html
 

 

Am i responsible for all of this?

am i?

i don’t know. only thing i know is i am feeling weakness, and slow pain on my left hand, which increases suddenly and sends a sharp shot of pain to mind and then automatically slows down. it’s like some one is banging on my head continuously and i am hardly making myself awake.

then a nurse come with another packet of blood in his hand and she changes nearly empty packet with new one.

have i done wrong?

i don’t know.

doctor asks me again.

how u feeling right now Vijay?

i am silent. i am staring his face, trying to configure,when and where we have met each other earlier.

i didn’t answer his question.

yes, i have met him once, in the OPD, with her, when she was ill, her stomach was upset and doctor has prescribed some medicine.

      
She came in my thoughts and everything got re winded just in a fraction of second. just in a fraction of second, and all i can remember, each and everything associated with her.

i got answers of all my burning questions and the night, two days before flashes in front of me, just like slides of  photos.

     
I understand, why my parents has come here in so hurry and why they are so worried about me. why my mother is crying so much. why my father is angry. why he has pity on me. why his face shows so much concern.

     I am responsible for all this. yes, i am responsible for their grief and sorrow. they don’t deserve a son like me. they deserve a son, who would make them proud, who would excel in his  life and here, they have a unsuccessful, defeated, and coward person as their son.

     
I am defeated from my life. 
i am unsuccessful in my duties. 
i am coward, who wanted to kill his life.

i see their faces and for one second, i repented, they don’t deserve to suffer for me, they shouldn’t had to come for me.

     
who called them and why?

     
it’s my life and i am alone responsible for all the disaster,which i am creating in my life.

Their face, sunk in grief, and i repent, i shouldn’t destroy my life, as their life is also connected with mine, i am not alone and free to do, what i want to.

this feeling evaporates so soon and i am stuck in my memories, my past and my present.

Door bell rings and my father goes out and he comes and asks me, your friends want to meet you. 
and i deny, i shout,“no i don’t want to meet anyone. i  want to be alone”.

He is stunned. he is not able to tell a single word.

perhaps, people on the other side of door hear me and then no one came. i takes a breath of relief.

     
doctor request my parents to go outside. he sits on the table,where my mother was sitting just minutes before. he stares me continuously. may be he is going to give a long lecture. he clears his throats. i am also staring him back. i should be ashamed, but i am shameless. i should be feared,but i am fearless.

he asks me: 
are you the same vijay, i met first time? 
i want to tell him, that the vijay,he knew, has died long time ago and i am not him, i am changed,she is changed,and so is my world.

i keep quiet.

what he want to hear as my reply. i remain silent.

he gets irritated and trying to retain his composure.

“do you know, how much destruction you have done to your body, your mind and your soul?” 
i nodded yes.

why you tried to kill yourself?

i am confused. 
i have guessed, he is going to give a lecture, but he is putting questions and questions and question, who i cant answer, or i don’t have their reply.

he tells again, you have damaged your liver so much, you have damaged your stomach so much, you have damaged your lungs so much. you have just saved from a major blood loss. you are just saved.

i want to shout at him, why you saved me, have i asked you to do. but i am staring him.

he picks up report of various tests and shows them to me, what i supposed to do with them, dispose them in trash, or burn them to ashes,as your wish.

he reads LFT test, he reads blood test, he reads test, their name i even feel difficult to pronounce.

     
i smile, test, so difficult to pronounce and he sees me, he becomes silent, he has seen me smiling. his face shows irritation and anger.

      
what i supposed to do. i am confused.

he put them on the table, almost occupied with medicines, saline bottle, syrenze, and blood pressure machine.

he tells, have u any idea, how much bad your parents feeling, due to your  this foolishness.

running away from life, such a cowardly decision, shame on you....it hurts to see a younger person like you, taking such steps.

      
i feels, he is right. but  do he know, she hurted  more than i have done with myself.

     
 i hope u will not attempt it again.

     
 i am speechless, staring blankly to the wall.

     
 he goes out of my room. and i am alone.

     
 i am laughing on myself,i am laughing on my foolishness, i am laughing on the situation.

i am laughing on how many reason, i don’t know even.

then i feel sad. i feel so sad.

i want to go away, i want to run away from the bed, from the room, from the hospital. i am feeling fear. i am tensed. i want to go to some other place,where i don’t know. just let me go away from here, from medicine, from blood, from doctor, from my parents, from every thing. to some where, i would be unknown to every one.

      
but before going away from here, i want to know, does she know, where i am?

     
 but before going away from here, i want to know, does she know, how i am?

     
 but before going way from here, i want to know, have she changed her mind?

     
 but before going away from here, i want to see her once.

     
 i call my parents and they come fast, they are worried.

 i ask my father, if she came to see me?

 he asks, who?

 i say, she,jyothi.

 he says, only boys came to see you, no girl was there.

 i feel dumb headed.

 she didn’t come to see me, even i was about to die.

 would she come, if i would have died.

 no,she wouldn’t.

 she wud be.

 no, she wudn’t.
why she should come?

to see me, how i am doing?

i knew, she will never come again.

she will never come again. 
 but................!!!!!



Note: There is a long story to tell...it would take minimum of 200 blog post to complete the whole story,a love story of Vijay and Jyothi...not all love stories end in the happiness and bliss...some may turn into disaster..like some one  may end up like the Vijay of this story....is the hopelessness, despair, and failure is the ultimate end??...does life  stops progressing? or it will find a way to move ahead...! will Vijay move on and get finally peace of his mind ??? many more chapter to come....!
thanx for reading..! and waiting for your valuable comments...!



Note:previous part of the prologue is in this link:
http://imlostsoul.blogspot.in/2012/08/prologue_24.html

Disclaimer:This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Prologue part-I

Note: Next part of the prologue is in this link: http://imlostsoul.blogspot.in/2012/09/prologue-continues.html

I woke up and open my eyes and see, my father is standing in front of my bed, looking very worried and tensed. 
The first question strikes my mind, is why he is here suddenly. I feel, my hand wet, wet with warm water and a warm touch of a soft, caring  hand. Again drop of warm water falls on my hand and i look on my right side, and i see, they are not water, they are tears flooding from eyes of  my mother,tears flowing from her eyes, making a trail from eyes to chin and then falling from her chin to my hand.

she is sitting there on the chair,her left hand on her cheeks, and right hand holding mine. she is  crying silently, and staring on the wall continuously. she still doesn’t know, i am awake. 
I feel very awkward. 
why she has come so far! 
i didn’t call them.
Then why?
she is looking like, she didn’t sleep from many days, there are thick lines of dry tears on her face and she is staring blankly, thinking wot, i don’t know.

I pull my right hand and our eyes meet and she breaks down once again, holding my hand tighter and tighter, sobbing, crying, weeping, load, loud, louder. river of tears are breaking their boundary. And i am feeling very uneasy at her behavior. and i am feeling very annoyed at her cry, and i am feeling dumb headed at such situation.

wot i did?

my father comes near her, hug her, console her, but the more he try, the more she weeps. I see in my father’s eyes. i see there, and i can see the mixture of various emotions: anger, pity, concern, questions and a invisible layer of water. his eyes are wet  and he is holding him, not to cry. i saw him first time, struggling so much, he has been always strong and tough like a wall, in any condition, in any situation. i hate, looking him in such condition.

     
I looked away from them, to my left side, and i see, my left hand covered with  bandage,red colored bandage, like blood and near my wrist, on vein, a needle pierced and a pipe and a red packet, and slowly slowly red liquid is coming into  my vein for the red pocket. i hope, it is not blood, but it is. it is blood and i am being given blood. why i need it? i try to remember,  i didn’t make a accident, then i see my bandage on left hand. i try to move my hand, but it doesn’t move, like it is paralyzed.

And i try to remember, wot happened, but my head is going blank, i don’t know, from when i am sleeping here in the room.

Room!

Oh!, it’s not my room, my room is not so clean and it’s smell is far different and strange than mine.I got it, where i am lying. i am lying on the  bed of hospital room, which is white, which is clean, which is having strange smell of medicine and an annoying silence, which is being disturbed by cry of my mother.

     
Door on the front opens and i see a familiar face, i have seen him earlier, when, i try to remember. he is in white apron, in white dress and a stethoscope hanging around his neck.

he smiles and asks me how i am.
i am silent. 
i don’t know, how i am.

he puts stethoscope on my chest and ask me to breathe deeply.

and i do the same.

he  hears my heartbeat.

then he takes blood pressure gazing machine from the table, and straps it’s tape around my right arm, pumps it and measures my blood pressure.

     
he console my parents not to worry. he tells,“ his blood pressure is low. at least, he is back in his senses after two days, he is out of danger”.

       
ohhh! i have slept here for two days, and my parents are suffering from such along time. they should not had to come here. they should not have to take so much pain for me. they should not have to take so much care for me.


thanx for reading..! and waiting for your valuable comments...! 


Note: There is a long story to tell...it would take minimum of 200 blog post to complete the whole story,a love story of Vijay and Jyothi...not all love stories end in the happiness and bliss...some may turn into disaster...some one  may end up like the Vijay of this story....is the hopelessness, despair, and failure is the ultimate end??...does life  stops progressing? or it will find a way to move ahead...! will Vijay move on and get finally peace of his mind ??? many more chapter to come....!

thanx for reading..! and waiting for your valuable comments...!


Next part of the prologue is in this link: http://imlostsoul.blogspot.in/2012/09/prologue-continues.html

Disclaimer:This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.