The reason of so much unsatisfaction?

I asked, "what is the reason of so much un-satisfaction?"

He replied, "Because we all are slave of our limitless cravings and desires....!"

की कभी तो पढ़ लोगे, तुम मेरे दिल की हर दास्तां

 

लबों को खामोश कर दिया,

पर आँखों को कैसे रोकता,

की कभी तो पढ़ लोगे,
तुम मेरे दिल की हर दास्तां,
ना  हम कुछ कह ही सके,
ना चुप रह ही सके। 

Are you worthy of your dreams??

And he replied:
"Either have a courage to make your dreams true, or don't dream too much. They are not for weak persons".

Fear of changes...!

Why do I feel like, I am close to no body. Hiding even the tiniest emotions and thoughts from everybody. Independence, no boundation, no stings, no back links, like completely alone in a whole crowd, like a stranger in a town fair, faces of different colors, people of different types, but I don't know them, or avoiding them, or ignoring them. What has happened to me. I hadn't wanted to end up like the way I have become.

Yes, change is the need and law of the world, with time every thing changes, but I am not even having control over myself, the way I have evolved. Alone, aloof, and the worst part is I don't want to change myself, even knowing that this is drowning me inside.

Perhaps I have lost faith on myself, and there is no one else to blame for. Life is not bed of roses and every body don't get what he wants. And we have to compromise and have to learn to be happy in what we have got. And we must learn to appreciate the little things we got, and be happy in that.

But I am too greedy, business mind person. I want every thing in my life perfect, which can't be achieved otherwise.

And I have nothing to say, share, discuss with people, even close to me, like complete void in my mind, blankness, nothing is there, totally black, and I hate it to show them how alone I feel inside. A constant feeling of failure haunts me, like I am underachiever or something.

I know I need to relax myself, I should open myself, I have to change myself, But I fear the changes.

May be some day I will, but when I don't know !!!

Is it real: No desires, no passion, no expectation, no jealously...nothing is there....!

Day by day life is getting more complicated. Am I taking life too seriously or really it is getting harder and harder? The biggest loss is I have lost my dreams. No dreams at all. I fear having a dream. No dream at all. No expectation. No goal. Nothing from life, world or person. A saddening loneliness prevails in my mind. A habit to live alone has kept me so deep that I fear even intermingling with people I don't like. It's like i don't want to put mask on my face, It's like I have become straightforward and don't fit in the rules of world. to be pretend to something else. May be world has moved so fast,  People are more practical and I am being too childish or idealist I don't know.


Today or tomorrow, every body you think you are close to is going to hurt you knowingly or unknowingly and its true somehow I am thinking to believe over it.

A deep loss, I have lost my passion. I fear moving to unknown territories of any type. Fears of failures haunt me even when they have not come yet. Past experiences have kept their effect on me so badly, I am unable to take decisions right now. I now doubt my decisions, based on outcomes of my previous decisions, weather the next one I will take, will be better for me or not, I don't know.

A flair, a motivation may be negative or positive, a competitive attitude, jealousy, learning....nothing is left with me....only a cold dead attitude of letting everything go.....let it be as it is....like i am  defeated. A sadness has scared so deep in my heart, it is unable to heal anyhow.

I see, people are moving ahead in their life, but with me, I am stuck fully, no desires, no dreams. nothing. this so cold attitude, i dread over so much changes in me.

Desires I have lost them. is it sign of concern or I am getting mature?

I am getting so f***g insane...!! The self discovery is haunting.....! Is it the reality of life??

Black Hole...!

pc

Frustration, anger and hopelessness is consuming my life. I am stuck, stuck, life has become stagnated.

I see, people are going ahead in life, but i am like the second needle of wall clock stuck, trying to move, but it doesn't get ahead.

Something is wrong with me or situations are wrong. I try hard, had, harder, but somehow, all my efforts are getting in vein.

I don't want everything from my life but at least kuch  to mile, jiske liye main apna full effort de rha hu.

Some times I think, all is written, Some one is playing  and messing up with our life, we are all toys, actors of his play, like he knows what will be outcome, but we don't.

All my dreams are shattering like broken glass. why, where was my fault? I try to find, but I find none.

Pessimism has become my natural tendency, I don't find excitement in my life any more.

PC

Life has become a black hole, like I am bored to hell.