Hi friends,
I would like to thank you for Voting this topic for the
Indispire.
experience
about A 7 days experiment to stay away from all modern gadgets and apps
like mobile, laptop-computers, internet, social networking, E-games and
how you spent that time? with family? traveled? meditated, anything you
experienced. #7dayexperiment
From 2nd september to 12 September 2014, I attended Vipaasana meditation,a 10 days residential
meditation program. it was the best and hardest ten days of my life.
Vipassana originates in India from the teachings of the Buddha more than
2,500 years ago. Over the years it has been diluted and modified in
other parts of the world, but has been practiced in its pure form in
Myanmar. The Myanmar version as taught by Sri S.N. Goenka, has spread globally in recent years
thanks to the positive results reported from the practice and its easy
accessibility. It’s open to people of all races and religions and
provided on a donation basis. it requires some tough rule and regulations and being away from all modern
gadget, books, even speaking is not allowed is one of them.
So I put this idea for Indispire
and it got selected. Now I have to write all about it.
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Day
Zero
I had to report there on 2nd September by 5:00
pm.
I noted down the address of Dhhamma lIchchivi, Viashali
Vipassana Centre, Muzaffarpur, Bihar and the direction to go there.
I went
there by 3:30 pm.
It is far, very far from city and away from all worldly
distraction and noises.
A big garden area and some residential buildings for occupying
40 students at a time, separate for male on the right side of dhamma mediation
hall and female on the left side of dhamma mediation hall, a dining hall and dhamma hall for meditation, and concrete path to approach them in the middle of
field surrounded by trees, shrubs-grass approx. of my height, and flowers.
It
was like, I have come to a small home situated in the lap of nature. A place,
where you can find so much soothing environment, birds chirping, singing,
flying.I watched sunset. It was cool.
I saw other 30 persons. They were in their 5th
year of ten year course of priesthood of church and this course was mandatory
for them to attend and with them was their teacher, who has attended this
course 4 times. Till the time Noble silence has not begun, so people were
talking.
There was a residential male course manager and a female
course manager to assist us should we have any problem with our accommodation.
There was an old student, who was there as a volunteer-instructor to serve us
in every possible ways.
I took the registration form and filled it and manager told
me all the hard rules and precepts and asked me, if I am still willing to do
it. once you are in, you can't leave the course in the middle.
I said, yes, I will complete it and filled the form, and he again repeat all the moral
precepts in front of all of us.
A short briefing is as follows:
1. Not killing.
2. Not stealing.
3. Not committing sexual misconduct.
4. Not telling lies.
5. Not taking intoxicating substances.
Then I handed over my mobile phone and some
cash/purse and other valuables.
Then I retire to my room in dormitory.
we were called
for early dinner and after that a briefing in DHAMMA Mediation hall by course
manager and NOBLE silence (Silence of body, mind and speech) begun.
it
means no physical contact, no communication of any type, no talking, even eye
contact should be avoided. No exercise, not practicing other ritual, no yoga,
nothing, only have to do, as we are instructed.
We were allotted particular seat, with cushion and told to
practice meditation on the same seat for all time.
Meditation hall was little
far from other residential buildings and around 8:00 PM we entered in it. It
was very dimly lighted, but still visible, airy through windows and free from
insects and mosquitoes.
The aura of the hall was something different, very silent
and we all sat cross legged on our respective seats on the floor, facing the
teacher.
Men sitting on the left half of the hall, and ladies on the right.
Then the assistant teacher started playing the Cd, we were
taught Anapana
technique, the voice of Guru Goenkaji came repeatedly with his peculiar
throaty chanting and instructions: Work diligently, work ardently, work
intelligently, work patiently and persistently, and you are bound to be
successful, bound to be successful.” And it was repeated all time and days
during meditation.
It was over and we all returned to our
respective rooms for sleep. I tried to sleep, but excitement was everywhere, it
was different, I was having a break from my miserable, boring life, I tried to
sleep.
Day
One:
Bell rang nearly 4:00 am in the morning, or still night for
me, as I used to wake up after 7:30 am, sky was still dark and full of stars
and my day hence started.
It seems hard to wake up, but having no other option, i
went to bathroom and did all routine work in 20 minutes, and I was ready to go
to meditation hall.
I was amazed how fast I became ready and how I left my
laziness to take bath so early.
Requirement of torch seems necessary and thank god I was
having it, I lit it to see the path, so that not an insect would die under my
feet.
4:30 am in the morning, I am awake, fully fresh, in t-shirt
and lower pajama, and on the way to dhamma hall, was not it first sign of
change?
I entered along with fellow students and sat on my seat
cross legged, eyes closed.
Chanting of Guruji started and we have to sit
there and do mediation for 2 hours, till 6:30 am.
10 minutes and I felt the
urge to move my legs, it started all paining. I shifted my posture.
We were
asked to breath in and watch it, breathe as you feel comfortable, don’t take
deep breathe, or fast breathing, just take it your natural way, just take it,
observe it and be aware of it.
When our awareness wandered about something else
than the breath, we had to bring it back to breathing, firmly but without any
feelings of anger or disappointment.
I feel sleepy. I awoke myself.
But At I
could barely manage to focus my attention for even a few consecutive
breaths.
It was, like my mind was wandering here and there, so fast, so
random, and sometime relevant and some time so irrelevant. The simple task of
observing my breath seems so difficult.
Mind was not ready to obey that simple
instruction, sometime past, sometime future, it is faster than anything in this
world. It was like I am bound to sit there, I am in prison. This was first
time, I have to do something, in spite of all the revolt from within. I took my mind back to the observing breath.
Then it wondered towards the end of time, it was waiting to hear the last
chanting and for 6:30 am, so that I could run away from here.
And somehow it was over. Gong rang and
everybody headed towards the dining hall, to take breakfast. I stretched my
body, took a relieving breath. After breakfast I came back in my room, my roommate
was already there, I didn’t see towards him, and laid on my bed. And slept so
soon. 8:00 am and bell rang, and I headed towards Dhamma hall again for group
meditation. And the same thing, focus on our respiration, chanting of guruji
Goenka, and we did till 11:00 am. Leg was paining, and I was trying hard to
concentrate towards my breath.
11:00-12:00 am, and it was time for our lunch,
then 12:00-1:00 pm, rest and interviews with the teacher, 1:00 – 2:30
p.m.-Meditate in the hall or in your room.
I was feeling laziness. I didn’t go
to the hall, and tried to practice in my room itself. But I felt sleepy and
slept till bell rang and I was awake for group meditation in the hall at 2:30
am.
Now I have decided, I will not do meditation at room, its hard to stop the
urge not to do and sleep at room, so I did till 5:00 pm, till the tea break.
Tea, one fruit, some light snacks and I came back to my room.
6:00 pm and again group meditation in the hall and again the
same boring work, concentrate your mind and observe your breathing.
Mind was
wondering as usual, it was not in my control, and I was trying to be patient
and keep it on the work, as soon as I realized it to wondering some elsewhere.
Instruction were repeated in Hindi and English again and again. Some mantra in
Paali language were also being chanted there.
At 7:00 pm, we watched a videotaped discourse by S.N Goenka
that explained more theoretical aspects of our practice, answered frequently
asked questions and informed us of what we would be doing the next day.
Personally,
these discourses strongly motivated me to practice diligently and persistently.
It said, its usual to wonder and not having control over our mind. After all
till the age, all we have done our work under his guidance, he used to be our
master, and now we are trying to take control over him, so he will deny, he
will run, he will try to break our vows. 9:00-9:30 was question time and then
at 9:30, we retire to our room.
I laid at my bed and think about the day spent. It was not easy, it was hard, it was boring & hectic,
it was paining little bit also, how I will do it for next 9 days, I don’t know.
it was very tiring day, and I felt hungry also. I tried to sleep. As I have to
wake up at 4:00 am also.
Day
Two
Same routine, but when I woke up, I felt much pain in my
legs and body. I was not fast like, the previous day, and I went somehow in
meditation hall.
Today practise was extension of 1st day, it was to
feel the sensation of our breathing, where it touches during breathe in and
out. It was instructed to decrease the area of concentration to triangular area
around our nose and gradually decrease that area too. The purpose of this was to
sharpen our concentration and feel the subtler sensation. Not to search for any
particular sensation, just feel, whatever happens during the breathing around
the triangular area, lightness, heaviness, vibration, itching, temperature
fluctuations, whatever comes, observe objectively.
It seems so easy in instruction, but in reality It was so
difficult. Same routine, and in the morning time again I was waiting for
breakfast timing, forcing my eyes, not to open, forcing my body to keep still.
I wondered is it some kind of punishment, and is it the way to purify my soul.
My legs were paining like hell and I was finding it hard to sit still on my
seat. Yesterday mind was roaming and today also it was roaming and also another
distraction of pain was rocking my mind. I was struggling to be calm, keep
patience, do as Guruji says, but don’t know how successful I was.
My past was opening up like reel of movie. Previous 3-4 year
of my life was flashing back and forth again and again.
I was able to watch
them in such a small interval of time. The day I first saw her, and I forget to
ask her name, and she went somewhere else. Happiness and then sorrow, then a
sudden encounter at a new place in another strange way, then started talking,
it was like I am on roller coaster ride, going up and down, mind is wondering,
leg is paining, I am drowning in past events and as soon as I realize it, again
I try to do the work of observing.
Then suddenly it came to my present state, state of my being
away from her, and pain crossed across my mind then again I roam back to the
time when I purposed her, whoaaa!! Whats happening with me, mind is denying to
listen to me. He is imposing his own business upon me.
What I did? Why she left me? Where was my fault, for one-
two second I was observing my breath, and 10-15 second mind was showing me
another picture very alive.
It’s painful, I imagined, if she would not have leave me,
where I would be, who I would be, I was roaming to the future, but it is not
true, and here I am addicted to bad very bad habits, thoughts and all. I like
darkness. I like to be alone, I like to punish myself, drinking heavily,
cursing myself, hating myself, and for what reason, I don’t know.
These thoughts were coming on surface very strongly, they
were very intense, and it was like I was re-living them again. Anger, aversion,
apathy, hate all were attacking altogether and physical pain in leg was not
comparable to those ones. I was in suffering and for what reason, I don’t know.
But they were all hidden underneath my mind, my past, and somehow they got
chance to come on surface, and they were so many of them.
I tried to blame god,
I am trying to do something good, then why they are not leaving me behind.
I
was in fire, in rage, I never did anything wrong with her, I only wanted her to
be happy, yes I was little bit selfish, I love her much, very much and wanted
something in return, but very little bit, her smiling face was enough for me.
But then it worked, and it sparked between us, and I thought I got my greatest
treasure, and I don’t need anything else.
My days were brighter than ever and I
was in seventh heaven. Life couldn’t be so pleasant. Then sudden darkness
prevailed in my life. The moon disappeared and all left was a black dark night,
which used to haunt me every day. I wondered, why anyone gets so much pain,
hatred in return of love and compassion he has shown, why people think always
to their benefit and loss? Am not I doing the same.
I woke up from the dream.
And tried to put my mind back to the work.
Gurji was chanting, do it
objectively, diligently. And I was still struggling to do the same.
Then I saw my parents, in my childhood, their love, their
caring, and their sacrifices. Then again I travelled randomly to my collage
time, and my first year final Basic electrical Lab Viva, where we all four came
without any preparation and maám was frustrated with us, what to ask, and we
all four were laughing inside. She finally told us to tell any four question
answer all by our self, but no one did, who can remember, after night out
counterstrike game. And she asked, have you really cracked the prestigious all India
entrance examination and achieved such a good rank, and still it didn’t penetrate
inside our so thickened skin.
I smiled. Life was not all boring and full of
sorrow. It was cheerful and royal, relaxing also.
Then again darker
side emerged all of sudden. I wanted to leave all and wanted to run away from
all. I wanted to drink and that urge was on fire.
What was going with me? Am I really
doing meditation? I don’t think so. My memories are not leaving me behind. My mind
is making up ifs and buts, different possibilities, different stories, past and
future, which can’t be changed and I don’t have the control over it.
I felt like, I am in real prison. But I have to complete it.
If it is a prison, then I have to live in for 10 days. If it is like burning in
fire, then I will burn my soul, I will purify my soul.
It was tougher than yesterday, after breakfast I crashed on
my bed, till the next session, after lunch again felt sleep till gong, it was
so painful, tiring, and my thoughts were haunting me like hell. But I have to
do it anyway.
So day ended, and another video session with Guruji and he
made many things clear. I had experienced all day, my deepest fears, my anxieties,
my past, my future, my weakness and they were intense, overwhelming, but why
they were emerging, I was having no idea, that it was purification of my soul.
Guruji
compared it to a physical wound, an infection, a doctor cut it and all puss
comes out and lot of pain along with it, but it is necessary to do all the
operation, to take infection out of our body, to take out all the puss, then he
apply balm so that that wound can heal, the same is with the purification of
mind.
he is doing mental operation in ten days and all the deepest bad
thoughts, experiences are coming out of our mind and getting washed, getting
out of our mind, and it is not pleasant, but it is necessary to go deep inside
yourself and dig up old scars, emotions that are buried deep inside still after
the incident that caused them, and when they are going out, they will give
pain, but it will purify your soul.
I felt relieved and went to sleep. Yes today was tough, very
tough, I wanted to leave, run away from here, but at the evening discourse,
guruji said that it is normal to feel this way one second day. I was amazed to
see so much turn up of emotions in such a less time. I saw how weak I am
inside. I saw how my mind roams so fast. I saw, how I am playing in hand of my
mind.
Body was breaking in pain, I was having no energy left and
laying on bed was feeling so much comfortable, I can’t explain.
Day three:
On third day, triangular area was reduced further and we practiced
to watch just the mustache area, below nostrils.
I was calm today, emotions
were not so intense as they were yesterday, and I was able to concentrate on my mustache area. I was feeling the heat of my breath, and the sensation over the
hairs.
Very subtler sensation were emerging, along with itching, pain and other
sensations.
The pain in my leg was subsiding, and I was not so disturbed like I
was yesterday.
But still the mind was roaming here and there but I was able to
realize the wandering of mind very soon and again able to put it on the work of
seeing sensations. During the tea time, a question was coming in my mind, what
to do next, where it will go?
I tried to configure this out but some how I was
not able to find it and concentrated towards the snacks.
The food, which they
are serving us, is vegetarian, as I am veg, I don’t know, what other might be
thinking about it, but it is very simple
and yet a good taste and every day different dishes, and yes I forgot to tell,
we have to take food all by our self, and do dishes after food.
At the evening discourse, Guruji told that this was just a
preparation for the Vipassana meditation, we were being prepared for that, and
tomorrow would be Vipassana day, and then real mediation will begin.
I often wonder to leave all behind and be a monk, but these
three days of being a real monk like exercise taught me the reality.
It’s not
so easy to achieve the ultimate goal, it needs lot of practice.
At night, before sleeping, I analyzed today, and saw, my mind
was not so reluctant and it was listening my commands.
I was excited for
tomorrow, Vipassana Day, still I knew, it means something more difficult, but curiosity
was in the air. I saw, my roommate was asleep.
To be continued....!
Rest of the posts are in the links below:
Vipaasna meditation- part-I
Vipaasna meditation- part-II
Vipaasna meditation- part-IV
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