Are you worthy of your dreams??

And he replied:
"Either have a courage to make your dreams true, or don't dream too much. They are not for weak persons".

Fear of changes...!

Why do I feel like, I am close to no body. Hiding even the tiniest emotions and thoughts from everybody. Independence, no boundation, no stings, no back links, like completely alone in a whole crowd, like a stranger in a town fair, faces of different colors, people of different types, but I don't know them, or avoiding them, or ignoring them. What has happened to me. I hadn't wanted to end up like the way I have become.

Yes, change is the need and law of the world, with time every thing changes, but I am not even having control over myself, the way I have evolved. Alone, aloof, and the worst part is I don't want to change myself, even knowing that this is drowning me inside.

Perhaps I have lost faith on myself, and there is no one else to blame for. Life is not bed of roses and every body don't get what he wants. And we have to compromise and have to learn to be happy in what we have got. And we must learn to appreciate the little things we got, and be happy in that.

But I am too greedy, business mind person. I want every thing in my life perfect, which can't be achieved otherwise.

And I have nothing to say, share, discuss with people, even close to me, like complete void in my mind, blankness, nothing is there, totally black, and I hate it to show them how alone I feel inside. A constant feeling of failure haunts me, like I am underachiever or something.

I know I need to relax myself, I should open myself, I have to change myself, But I fear the changes.

May be some day I will, but when I don't know !!!

Is it real: No desires, no passion, no expectation, no jealously...nothing is there....!

Day by day life is getting more complicated. Am I taking life too seriously or really it is getting harder and harder? The biggest loss is I have lost my dreams. No dreams at all. I fear having a dream. No dream at all. No expectation. No goal. Nothing from life, world or person. A saddening loneliness prevails in my mind. A habit to live alone has kept me so deep that I fear even intermingling with people I don't like. It's like i don't want to put mask on my face, It's like I have become straightforward and don't fit in the rules of world. to be pretend to something else. May be world has moved so fast,  People are more practical and I am being too childish or idealist I don't know.


Today or tomorrow, every body you think you are close to is going to hurt you knowingly or unknowingly and its true somehow I am thinking to believe over it.

A deep loss, I have lost my passion. I fear moving to unknown territories of any type. Fears of failures haunt me even when they have not come yet. Past experiences have kept their effect on me so badly, I am unable to take decisions right now. I now doubt my decisions, based on outcomes of my previous decisions, weather the next one I will take, will be better for me or not, I don't know.

A flair, a motivation may be negative or positive, a competitive attitude, jealousy, learning....nothing is left with me....only a cold dead attitude of letting everything go.....let it be as it is....like i am  defeated. A sadness has scared so deep in my heart, it is unable to heal anyhow.

I see, people are moving ahead in their life, but with me, I am stuck fully, no desires, no dreams. nothing. this so cold attitude, i dread over so much changes in me.

Desires I have lost them. is it sign of concern or I am getting mature?

I am getting so f***g insane...!! The self discovery is haunting.....! Is it the reality of life??

Why there is so much hate, despair and disturbance in place of Love, happiness and peace???

pc

A newbie is born due to love...and People spread love for that !

pc

An old dies and again the people love and pray for him more and more !

 Then in between...

PC

what happens to world, to people, to Human being,
 that they spread hate, despair and disturbance in place of Love, happiness and peace.

Who a man fears the most???

I asked him," who a man fears the most?"

He smiled, "he, who fears the most, is himself. Basically The man needs always company of others to hide from himself, to run away from facing himself alone, because he can't fool & lie to his inner self....!"

आखिर मुद्दतों के बाद तुम्हे भूला ही तो दिया है मैंने..!

आखिर मुद्दतों के बाद तुम्हे भूला ही तो दिया है मैंने,

और दिल के अरमानों को दिल ही दिल में सुला ही तो दिया है मैंने।

YES! I HAVE RISEN ABOVE MY FEARS

Monday 9:30 AM

I am fully prepared to attend my first interview of "XYZ" MNC came to campus. White shirts, black pant, tie, folder, there is a huge crowd of students in the placement cell.
People are discussing: total 4 rounds, technical, aptitude, GD then personal interview.
Some were very excited to about the company, 6 lac CTC at the time of joining, some were serious.

I sat on the chair along with 100 students. A huge crowd for 2-3 selection. Is not it?
I am nervous too. Winter and I am sweating. My leg were trembling inside my trouser.
Why?
Is this job so important to me?
Yes! It is!
Perhaps I am taking too much tension!

I tried to calm myself.

1st round results:
I have cleared.

2nd round results:
I have cleared it also.

3rd round result:
Whoa..! I have won.

Now success was one step ahead to me. I was on the list of finalist with 8 other students.

My name was called and I entered in the interview hall of placement cell. 6 people in a row and I sat in front of them. Seeing the Vice president of the company, who I haven't seen till the moment today was a surprise. And they started firing questions one by one.
I felt shiver and hotness both inside my body.
And I felt like running outside at once. 
I was unable to give reply.
As if I was not able to speak, in spite of answers I knew.

10 minutes seemed to me as 10 years.
I came back, and result was out. I was not selected obviously.

I returned to my room and lie to my room and tried to analyse, what went wrong.
I have fears of interview, in spite of being topped in technical 1st round, I failed in personal interview section. Some thing was seriously wrong.

FEAR!
FEAR OF FAILURE....!
FEAR OF PERSONAL INTERVIEW....!


AND I HAVE TO OVERCOME IT. I HAVE TO WIN OVER IT.

I HAVE TO RISE ABOVE MY FEARS...!

Everybody has fears....and they haunt them, may be they seem very little to others, but for that person, ask him, and he will tell.

I decided to win....!
i slept on the bed.
And took a deep breath. And tried to sleep.

-----------------------------------

30 days have passed. 10 more company has come to our campus. But i haven't sat for any of them. Average CTC and my dream company is scheduled to come after 10 days.
My batch mates and close friends have tried to warn me not to miss any opportunities of  other companies, but i have decided, i will win on my D-Day.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally waiting is over.

My dream company is in campus. And as usual other rounds i have cleared well.
Now personal interview.

I HAVE TO WIN.

I HAVE TO RISE.
I HAVE TO SHINE.
I HAVE TO SHED MY ANXITIES.
I HAVE TO WIN OVER MY FEARS.

Still I haven't told anybody about my past interview experience. I knew, people are more interested to laugh than to help.

I called my roommate, my best friend. And I told him about fears.
He is angry, not to telling him earlier.
There was 2 hour time still to start the interview.
We came outside the placement cell.
And to the old canteen, which is far from our placement cell.
There was no any of our batch mates. Only 2-3, 1st year’s students, as it is nearer to their classroom. And they were busy in attending class. We sat on the table near the tree.
He ordered two coffee.
And we chat.
We chat about our 1st interaction in the college.
We chat about our 1st ragging or interaction with seniors.
We chat about sharing our crush on the same b'ful girl, still we didn't have a fight for her.
We chat about watching all the TV series on the laptop together.
We chat about all the happy moments in the college.

Then he told to call my parents.

And I called my parents. And I talked to them. Not a single word about interview.
Normal talk.

and another round of coffee.
I became clam.
He told me, don't have an expectation.
Don't worry about result.
Talk to them, as if I am sitting in front of you, and you are talking to me.
Tell them, if you know the answers, and if you not, you don't have to be worried.

Still there was 0.5 hour.
I think, we have to go back, I told.
Then we returned back to the placement cell.
My turn, and next moment I was inside the hall, in front of 7 interviewer.

I wished them.
And for one second, i imagined, they are human too, they are like my friends, and they are not here to humiliate me, they are here to select me, and then i imagined the moment of watching the happiness on my parents face, when they got to know about my selection.

And I felt, my fears are turning to an ant size from a big monster.

YES! I HAVE WON MY FEARS.

YES! I HAVE RISEN ABOVE MY FEARS.

YES! I HAVE GOT SELECTED IN MY DREAM JOB.!

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