sleepless nights.....!

Whom to blame......i am the curlprit.....i am defaulter.....i am the victim....nd i m suffering......it is 2:53 am in morning n i m spending night in my eyes...doing wot i dont know...........i open my laptop n again i see all previous photos of her.......her smily pics.....she is smiling.......n i hate her....i hate her very much....no....i love her....I LOVE HER........I LOVE HER VERY MUCH......but i cant say her now...i cant talk to her right now...i cant text her, i cant call her.....i hv buried all in the black coffin of time and then i punched a long pin on that coffin who was having my heart inside it alive and then pin pierced into it and coffin turned red from inside and i cant open that coffin but i am feeling weak..i am feeling weak to control myself and again i am seeing her photos to keep those memories alive...to turn those wound green.........life is taking me into no where and i want to change it but who to blame....me, her, time or situation.........living in past is foolishness and who can know better than me.....who is still struggling to get over of her memories, her smiles now haunt me...her voice now make me deaf.....her face make me insane....like i will die in next second....or become mad in another......i want to sleep.....like a dead....but in sleep also wen she comes....i feel i m defeated...from myself....from time, from my past......yes i m defeated person........i had promised myself that i will show her that i am living better n in better condition without her in all aspect........n thats why i am hiding myself from everyone......i hv left using FB....i hv left calling PPL...bcoz i can bear....their foolish Q's like wots going on?.....wots new in ur life?.......like they wanted to know, how much i m still suffering...........life is hell......n i am still away known persons, friends.....n living life in silence........so that i will show her someday that i m happy without u..that i also dont care to be without u.......but it seems that day will never come.
But still ray of hope is alive......but still ray of light is there somewhere...and i will be live happily without her......without her memories.....forgeting my past......enjoying my present and without worring my future.....heart says that day will come someday....n i still believe on my heart, inspite of that, he is the real curlprit, who created such a mess in my life!!!!