lost soul 2

Monday, 14 November 2016

Lost.....!!!!


Life has become aimless. No long term goal, nothing, just a boredom, going to work, coming back,  eating, sleeping then again same routine follows. I have tried to change, but not a single endeavor of mine has been converted into success.

People remember only the success stories. They give example of them.

I have tried but when you don't get what you want, a numbness, a lethargy, a passive attitude overpowers you  and you leave making further effort.

Now I am not having any goal, Not a single dream, failure has made me a negative person and I have left any hope to be rise again.

Somewhere I read: He who faces the more difficulties, the more hardship, he goes more higher in his life, but I am broken completely, broken to the point that I can't get repaired.

My heart is broken, Into how may pieces, I can't even count and remember.

No desire, No fighting, just accepting my defeat.

Every day I think of changing my attitude, Every day I try to find my passion, but I am lost, I am lost completely.
I see people, I see their faces, I know them, but no greetings, No Hi, Hello, like I am absentminded.

I am here, but I am not.

I am lost.....Lost to the point I can't find myself anywhere.

I am wounded....wounded to the point I can't be healed.

I am alone.....alone to the point I can't find company of any one comforting.

Some times I have confessed some one I liked. It took me a very much effort to confess them, that I really like them, I was not having any expectation, I didn't want any thing in return, What hurted  me, was they understood me wrong.

Life is harsh...truly it is. You don't get what you like..... You have to settle down and have to like, what you have got. That is the harsh reality, that is the hard truth, either you accept or not...!

I try to find where I am, but I find myself lost, Lost but where, I don't know.

I am not happy, I am not satisfied, but it's like I have left hope, I have no wishes any more for anything. Just a passive attitude, a sense of emptiness, a sense of mindlessness, a feeling of neutral attitude. I am left with nothing, I have no regret for anything, neither I have any complaint from anything.

Only thing I think sometimes that whatever I wished from my heart, may be it's career, may be it's friendship, may be it's love, I am getting despair and nothing is going in right direction.

I wonder, if I am wrong or the world is.
I wonder, if I  am complicated or the world is.
I wonder if it's mine fault or the world is.

I hate showing my negative attitude, I hate showing my true color, I hate  showing my true nature, I hate showing my miserable condition, because I know, people will not help, they will make fun of me.

World is cruel, it helps them, who are in good luck, there is no position for the persons undergoing hardship in their life.

Am I really facing hardship? I wonder. Or it's just made in my mind.

But I have to change, I have to change...but the courage is lost.

A wonder, a miracle can save me..and I am waiting for that miracle.

May be, May be not....!


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An idealist, a perfectionist... perhaps i am rebel, or don't fit in the materialistic thoughts and norms of the world, i don't see the reason, why ppl are fighting, why everyone is not at peace??
I m keen lover of art, Love sketching, experimenting in photography, sometime i get swayed to follow my passion for art for full time, but  then...still i have to make arrangements for my livelihood.

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